10 Tips on keeping a healthy marriage by Dr Sanusi Lafiagi

10 Tips on keeping a healthy marriage

By Dr Sanusi Lafiagi

There should be certain routine stuff that couples do together irrespective of how they feel about each other. Marriage is full of ups and downs. There are days of gratitude and praise, and there are days of regret and sorrow. It’s all part of the bitter-sweet experience called marriage.

However, irrespective of what’s happening in your marriage, certain things should be sacrosanct. They allow the two of you to close ranks and settle your disagreements easily. For most couples without such routines, their crisis lingers and may become complicated with the passage of time.

Here are a few routine things that couple can do together:

1. Observing Salāt together: For those with a Masjid in their house, one way to create a spiritual bond is to make sure that they observe the prayers with their spouses. However, beyond the obligatory prayers, observing the Tahajjud together equally helps to nurture and solidify the bonding process. Irrespective of your current mood and feelings towards each other, pray together.

2. Doing Adhkār together: The Adhkār of the morning and evening can be read together with each couple doing so separately. Do not fight your spouse to the point of not ensuring that they say their Adhkār. Don’t give Shaytān a space in your home.

3. Reading the Qur’ān together: Reading the Qur’ān should be a daily exercise in every Muslim home. Couples should encourage each other to read the Qur’ān. What a better way to do this than to ask your spouse to read while you listen.

4. Bathing together: Even the best of mankind, Prophet Muhammad ﷺ used to bathe with his wives after intercourse. Bathing together also helps to strengthen your bond.

5. Eating together: This should be a routine stuff among couples irrespective of whether they are cool with each other or not. The Rasūl used to eat with our mother ‘Ā’ishah from the same bowl and drink from the same cup. Eating together even while quarrelling will definitely quench the fire.

6. Playing games together: There should be time for couples game for fun making. It reduces tension and creates affection. It is on record that the Rasūl twice raced with our mother ‘Ā’ishah.

7. Exercising together: There are couples that do workouts in the morning on weekends to keep fit. During this session it is rare that they won’t talk to each other at all, irrespective of their current mood. It allows them to have occasional chitchat to keep themselves busy and reduce tiredness.

8. “Seeing off and welcoming back”: For a woman who is mostly at home, this is really important. When your husband is leaving the house, see him off to the door/his car, and whenever he returns, be at the door to receive him. Do so with a big smile on your face. A good man will appreciate that and open his arms and hearts for you. In fact, he MAY open his account, too.

9. Sleep together: No matter what’s going on, never abandon each others bed. Sleep together. Having intercourse is a great reliever of stress and unifier of hearts. Do not deprive yourselves of it because of one small yeyenatu fight.

10. Exchange gifts: Exchanging gifts softens the heart and drives away Shaytān. Even in your lowest moods, surprise gifts at a time when he/she least expects it can lift his/her mood.

These things should be added to “to-do” list of every couple. They should be cinsisred sacrosanct and should not be done only when you’re in a good mood.

Once they are reduced to moods, the marriage is already in troublem.

One last one, don’t avoid talking to each other, no matter what’s happening.

Sanusi Lafiagi